As I scrolled through her photos, the double life that Ryan had been living came into clear view. When he said he was out of town with his boss, he was with his girlfriend in Nashville. And that wasn’t the only time. I discovered that everything he told me during our previous six months together had been a lie. All of those times he had work trips or fishing weekends with his buddies or obligations with his kids, he was actually with his girlfriend in Chicago for the jazz festival, kayaking up by the Pictured Rocks with her, or they’d been celebrating New Year’s together. Once he sent me pictures from a basketball game and complained it was hard to be a third wheel with his buddies and their wives. Now I was looking at a photo of him with his arm around this woman from that same day.
I wanted to be loved so badly that I let myself get hurt
Not only had Ryan created intricate lies about why he couldn’t be with me, he texted me during those trips and events saying he couldn’t wait to see me. He told me how nice it was to stay connected. He said why are Belgorod girls so attractive he couldn’t wait to be intimate with me. Perhaps worst of all was that he frequently used his kids as an excuse for why we couldn’t get together.
I called him and demanded to know what was going on. He confessed that during the time he originally dated me (and told me he was dating only me), he was dating six other women. I couldn’t believe it. He also refused to pay me back for the ticket to New York, so I lost that $600. But more than that, I lost the relationship I thought I had.
What Ryan did was more than hurtful. It’s more than just not telling the truth. He crushed my spirit, my trust, and my belief in love. But I won’t let him crush my sense of self-worth.
I’m was 48 years old and back in the dating world after two marriages and 15 years of being someone’s partner. I didn’t want to do online dating, but what are my other options? There’s no shame in wanting companionship, but at times it feels shameful. I invited this into my life.
I believe that online dating has created a new way for deceit and manipulation to thrive. It offers people an easy opportunity to find and prey on those who are open-hearted and trusting. These exploiters are always on the lookout for the next target and the next thrill, and the next one is only a swipe away. The ability to instantly create a new persona and however many lies to go with it lets people be whomever they want to be and do whatever they want to do.
I made the mistake of justifying the red flags I saw early on by saying, “Ryan can’t spend time with me because he’s so busy with work and his kids.” I tried so hard to be understanding and kind to him that I missed what was right in front of me.
I’m embarrassed. I’m humiliated. I’m heartbroken. But if my story helps even one other person take a closer look at their relationship ? gets them to investigate those red flags ? then it’s worth sharing my hurt publicly.
You never know if the person you’re meeting ? or falling in love with ? is who they say they are, and it’s terrifying
“I discovered that everything he told me during our previous six months together had been a lie. All of those times he had work trips or fishing weekends with his buddies or obligations with his kids, he was actually with his girlfriend.”
